Losing Carpe Diem

No excuses. No excuses. I lapsed horribly. 6 days when I couldn’t spare 10 minutes to write a blog post. I looked back at the last 6 days and I guess the one thing that stood out clearly was that there is no damn thing as multitasking. There is no such thing as being able to do justice to everything around you. Recently, a friend of mine confirmed that guys can’t multitask. And I must admit to him that women are pretty lousy at it too.

@ Not So Reluctant Fundamentalist – please note.

So… how did 6 days disappear? I was in Berlin trying to walk my feet off and drink the night off in absolute silence. When I was awake, I was also trying to tap into mobile apps to chat and check social networks when I should’ve just focused on the graffiti in front of me. Then, I landed in Salzburg and desperately tried to make up for being away from email for 2 days. I was running between meeting rooms like a headless chicken and promising time to everyone, when in reality I had no time. I cancelled the dance practice I so wanted to get done. Then, I went and drank beer mid week with my team to celebrate my birthday and craved for 30 minutes snooze time in the middle of the week. Then, I was unproductive for 2 hours on Thursday and then overworked to make up for it. Then, my family landed up on Friday and I had to play the ultimate tour guide in Austria. I ate heavy food, drank, tried to be enthusiastic about Mozart and overdosed on Red Bull locations. Then, I landed in office this morning and work piled up like Mount Vesuvius on my desk and I drank 8 cups of coffee. I forgot to eat. I fought with a good friend on chat. I then sobbed about it to another friend on chat. I then tormented the girls in my team with this story. And, I’m still sitting online wondering how on earth I’m going to get done with my emails. And, this weird meaningless schedule went on and I couldn’t write about how I felt about that moment.

Net net, I have been constantly going between many things – doing something, wondering why I was doing that, wondering why I wasn’t doing something else, making up for something I couldn’t do, making others do things they probably didn’t want to do… phew! all that. Not one moment when I’m actually so deep into it that nothing else in the world matters.

Things certainly have changed.

Those days were amazing back in August 2008. Ofcourse, when you don’t have a job, half your difficult decisions go out the window. I was truly immersed in the small things I was doing.

I didn’t really have much to balance. I was spending most of my time deciding which pub to go to have my goodbye drink with some friend or the other. Even that wasn’t a difficult decision. We had to choose between Totos, Janta, Yacht or Gokul. How difficult could that be? Decisions were easy to make. I soaked in the pitcher of beer at Totos and revelled in that moment. And argued about whether to order Chicken basket or Chicke pepper salt.

I had about 20 odd days left before I was going to fly out. I had to quickly go and visit family in Chennai and in person, convince them about the insanity of traveling solo. I spent the days visiting my mega family, eating dosa, drinking filter coffee and discussing backpacking. And, it is exactly 5 years ago on this day that I wrote the blog post about South Indian Mamis on Latin America. I was clearly having fun back then. I somehow managed to take time out to write even then.

I tried to enjoy the last 20 days of having a mobile phone. I was going to disconnect my number the day I left and not get it for a year. I got a thrill out of texting friends and making surprise calls to people. Enjoyed the silly moments.

I knew back then what it was like to ‘seize the day’. Just this weekend, we were discussing ‘Carpe Diem’ and realized that we are all not anymore living in the moment. Crazy crazy crazy to be stuck in the past or dream of the future when every second is alive right now. I can’t recreate 6 small moments that would have made beautiful stories in the past 6 days. I should’ve realized them when it happened.

So, to the carpe diem moments from 5 years ago. I love you and remember you. I need to be able to look back at this moment 5 years from now and say I love it. Help me.

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